I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
