Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
