I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
