Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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