They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
