College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
my liver is dry heaving
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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