dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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