is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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