you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
