So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
