Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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