My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
