Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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