Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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