and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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