I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
