I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
