And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
