Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
