I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
