you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
