My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
