i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
