wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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