Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
