Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
