new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
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