sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
high people should be assigned attendants
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
