question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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