It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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