Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
