I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
