just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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