If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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