dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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