She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Randomize
