ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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