Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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