There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
