Taylor Swift is so right about you.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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