its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
