I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
