Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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