lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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