I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
