I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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