you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
