just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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