...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
