i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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