In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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