did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
