I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
