I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
