Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
