I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
