Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
