The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize