remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
