I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
