Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
