i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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