I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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