i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize