Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
