I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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