I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
