it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
