My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Mom said you looked used
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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